Jacob Lieberman is your typical Virginia father. Of course he took his son on a two-day road trip to Canada to grab 40 bags of Lay’s Ketchup Chips. If you’re a Dad, that’s just what you do. So how do you as a Virginia Dad make sure, after divorce, you can gain custody of your kids?

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What Virginia Law Says About Dads Having Custody

Despite lawyer TV shows with their crafty courtroom antics, real-life attorneys stick to the law. Virginia’s laws are explicit in giving Dads equal footing to Moms for custody:

  • In Virginia Code § 20-124.2, we read, “As between the parents, there shall be no presumption or inference of law in favor of either.”
  • In Virginia Code § 20-124.3, none of the 10 considerations for determining custody are inherently biased against fathers, though many hint at ways to improve your standing with the judge

The latter code has wording in it that suggests the court will lean toward the primary caregiver. Admittedly, our society tends to make Moms primary caregivers for the first half-dozen years of a child’s life.

Yet, a determined Virginia man can sense opportunity in some of these factors:

  • The age and physical and mental condition of each parent — Are you more physically fit and mentally sharp than the children’s mother? How can you prove it? Or, is the mother impaired in such a way that it may be a detriment?
  • The relationship existing between each parent and each child — Have you had a strong, supportive relationship with your children throughout their lives? Use photographs of your presence at important events in their lives to support this position.
  • The role that each parent has played and will play in the future, in the upbringing and care of the child — Show that you know your child’s shoe size, favorite color, and best-loved stuffed animal.
  • The propensity of each parent to actively support the child’s contact and relationship with the other parent — If you want to win custody, never make the children’s mother the enemy, and never withhold visitation or access to her.

Don’t Let a Short Fuse Shorten Your Time

One more factor is innocently offered up in § 20-124.3, and it may well be the downfall of many a Virginia Dad seeking custody:

  • The relative willingness and demonstrated ability of each parent to maintain a close and continuing relationship with the child, and the ability of each parent to cooperate in and resolve disputes regarding matters affecting the child.

Separation and divorce is a long, hard slog. Even the fastest Virginia divorces take time and energy. During that time, you have an opportunity to fester and boil with seething white-hot rage over the universe’s mighty injustices heaped upon your miserable, withered soul, as you are left a lowly, empty husk of a man by that woman.

Or.

Know Your Role as a Father

Or you can learn and grow and realize you now have a primary role in life as a father. Get rid of any fuses (long, short, or whatever). Learn to control your anger and resolve your internal conflicts. Work to make your kids’ lives happy, peaceful, and supported. Separate your feelings against your ex-spouse from your feelings toward your kids.

Many Virginia men somehow reshape the resentment, anger, frustration, and disappointment they have for their failed marriage into antipathy toward their own kids. They work mightily if unwittingly to make their own kids dislike them.

Children are never the cause of separation and divorce. They have no legal means to initiate separation and divorce. They own no property. You and your ex-spouse are the reason they exist and the reason your marriage ended.

So never, ever, ever, never destroy the relationship you have with your kids. Show the court you took your kid on a two-day road trip for potato chips. Talk about your kid’s performance on the athletic field, in the school play, or during the school concert. Let the court know you took your kid to Taekwondo lessons every Saturday for five years and want to keep doing it for five more years.

To build a strong case for custody, be a strong father.

Say No to Down Talking Mom and Her Faults

Some Virginia men may think tearing down Mom will make them look better as Dads. Trash-talking your ex will endear you to nobody; not the judge, not your kids, and certainly not the kids’ mother. You cannot build a solid case for child custody by making the children’s mother appear any less than she really is.

Doing that to your own kids does long-term damage to their emotional and psychological lives. It can make your kids resent you, not their Mom. And it will not improve your ability to win custody.

Only if you have unbiased evidence that Mom is not a fit parent should your family law attorney (not you) make that argument. Police records, medical records, rehabilitation stays, and court records can all be used as unassailable evidence that you are the better fit for your kids than Mom – leave out opinions and all signs of judgement and instead lean on the law.

Call The Child Custody Lawyer for Fathers

In your quest to prove to the court what a great Dad you are, and how much you deserve custody, let your attorney guide you. Do not be such an eager beaver that you set your sights on the goal no matter the costs.

After the divorce, after the custody … battle? conflict? fight? … your kids will still see their mother. You will still need to communicate with her. Do not burn bridges you will need to cross over in the months and years ahead.

Listen to your attorney as you build your case for child custody. And remember, custody decisions can be appealed and modified.

Call The Firm For Men

The Firm For Men has a mission to help Virginia’s men defend their rights, protect their kids, and safeguard their financial futures. Contact us today or telephone us at (757) 383-9184 to find out more about all our family law services, from separation through divorce. And Amazon has ketchup chips, FYI. No need to drive to Canada.