Lawyers love words. Words like prima facie, estoppel, and amicus curiae. Here’s a word: poecilonym. The next time your drinking buddy pulls a bar bet on you, win your money back with this: What is a synonym for the word synonym? Answer: poecilonym (“poe-sill-o-nim”). Guaranteed you’ll win back any money you lost in previous bets. So what is a poecilonym for “agreed divorce?” In Virginia, an agreed divorce means an uncontested divorce. And an agreed divorce in Virginia is a beautiful thing.
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- Agreed and Uncontested Divorce
- It Can Be Easy but Still Painful
- Be Wary of Giving Away The Store
- Keep Track
Agreed and Uncontested Divorce
If you and your spouse agree on all the areas necessary for a complete break from matrimony, you can speedily work through the steps of an uncontested divorce. Your and your spouse have agreed on these five main sticking points:
- Property division
- Spousal support
- Child custody (if you and your spouse produced kids in the marriage)
- Child support
- Child visitation (also called parenting time or a parenting schedule)
Additionally, personal issues may also need to be reconciled. For example, you might not agree on relatives eligible for first right of refusal in emergency custody. You may consider your mother an ideal emergency babysitter, but if your spouse does not agree she is capable of caring for your kids, that conflict has to be resolved or set aside for later resolution.
It Can Be Easy but Still Painful
While an uncontested or agreed divorce is far and away the least expensive, fastest, least painful way to separate two Virginians bound in matrimony, do not fool yourself.
In nearly all cases, divorce has its painful aspects.
Even if you two have agreed on the five major areas and muddled through less significant challenges like tax consequences or health insurance, you still have the emotional conflicts.
Most Virginians do not enter marriage with an eye toward divorce. It is just not a rational way to approach a lifelong bond. So, some kind of mourning period is needed, whether you want to acknowledge it or not.
Even in an agreed divorce, expect to feel a bit wistful, a bit nostalgic for some of the better moments of your marriage. Seek out help, either on the internet or through local support groups. Find a therapist, religious leader, or confidant to talk through things.
Agreeing with your departing spouse on the big stuff does not automatically set you up for a happy-go-lucky life after divorce.
Be Wary of Giving Away The Store
A common trap, especially when one spouse is already vulnerable and emotionally drained, is for one spouse to get “agreement” through strong-arm tactics. Avoid agreeing on things to simply get on with your life. You can end up giving away the store if you “agreed” to unreasonable demands from your divorcing spouse.
Examples of shortsighted choices include:
- Agreeing to giving up a disproportionate share of your retirement income (“Write into the separation agreement that you will give me 80 percent of your military retirement”)
- Conceding to vexatious demands for property settlement (“You have to give me the vacation home, the RV, all the camping stuff, and the timeshare weeks”)
- Falling for ludicrous tax concessions (“I get to claim the kids on my taxes every year even though we split custody 50-50”)
- Capitulating to absurd demands on assets (“The store might have been your business, but I helped you build it, so I get 75 percent”)
An agreed divorce is only an agreement if both sides arrive at the agreement without coercion. In fact, Virginia marital law § 20-151 specifically voids any written marital contract (prenup, postnup, separation agreement, and even a decree of divorce) if the parties did not “execute the agreement voluntarily.”
Keep Track
To best protect your present and future self, you need to do three things right, right from the start of your separation and divorce:
- Retain excellent, experienced counsel well-versed in Virginia family law
- Maintain detailed notes of all discussions, draft agreements, areas of concern, and conversations about your separation and divorce
- Sustain clear communication with your spouse as you move from early talk of separation through the final divorce decree
The more organized, careful, and attentive you are in the early, agreeable stages of the long process, the more prepared you and your attorney will be when a disagreeable topic arises. You and your spouse are human. Divorce is emotionally draining. You will have conflicts, even in an agreed or uncontested divorce. Be ready. Be alert. And be in touch with your family law attorney throughout the entire time.
For a Virginia man, The Firm For Men is the place to go for conscientious, careful advocacy in all aspects of family law. Our legal team can provide wise counsel, prepare legal documents, and stand at your side in court. Contact us today or telephone us at (757) 383-9184 to smooth the way to a clean separation, amicable property settlement, and an agreed divorce.
