If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, call 988 immediately. That said, research points to a direct connection between separation or divorce and suicidal thoughts. This stark fact makes the selection of a top-notch family law attorney absolutely vital.

Jump to a Section

Divorce Suicide Statistics

A 21-year-long study showed that “people who have never been married, are divorced, or are widowed are at an increased risk of suicide compared with those who are married.” Examining the data reveals additional alarming findings:

  • Separated or divorced persons are six times more likely than married persons to die by suicide
  • Suicidal impulses are strongest in the 30 days following separation
  • 6 percent of the male suicides and 21.8 percent of the female suicides were separated or divorced persons
  • In the studied group, more men — 72.6 percent — than women (27.4 percent) committed suicide after separation and divorce
  • Middle-aged men and women are at greater risk of suicide than younger or older people, with male mean age at death being 45.7 and women’s mean age at death being 47.7

Finding Comfort in the Storm

Believe it or not, a bright side to those numbers does exist.  The harsh realities exposed by these numbers can be a comfort to the individual Virginia man staring down separation and divorce:

  • The feelings you have are not unique
  • You are trying to survive — stewing in a broth — in an environment that is extremely challenging to anyone, not just you
  • Get past the first month of separation and your life will be brighter
  • Knowing what lies ahead for most people dealing with separation and divorce, you can prepare yourself for an emotional roller coaster and know you will come out better at the other end

Just as you can find a club, exhibit, or affiliation for any interest (you know, like the world’s oldest edible ham), you can find other Virginia men struggling and coping with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and postdivorce malaise. You are not alone.

Suicides in Virginia

Virginia may be a giver of life to many presidents and has justly earned its nickname of “Mother of States,” but we have to accept some current challenges, according to the Centers for Disease Control:

  • Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the state
  • Virginia’s suicide rate is 13.2 deaths per 100,000
  • In 2021, 1,188 Virginians took their own lives

The CAMS-care website says suicide is the fourth leading cause of death for ages 35-44 and the seventh leading cause for ages 45-54. This tracks with the other study’s finding of vulnerable ages for suicide following separation and divorce.

Virginia does have a few systems in place to help adults struggling with mental health issues:

Almost all mental health organizations offer help 24/7, or you can always call 988 anytime. You are not alone!

Signs of Suicidal Persons

Nobody can read your thoughts, and suicidal persons do not necessarily leave any or all of the clues enumerated by the National Institute of Mental Health:

  • Talking about wanting to die, feeling great guilt or shame, or being a burden to others
  • Feeling empty, hopeless, trapped, extremely sad, anxious, agitated, full of rage, having no reason to live, or an unbearable emotional or physical pain
  • Changing behavior, such as making a plan or researching ways to die, withdrawing from friends, saying goodbye, giving away important items, or making a will
  • Taking dangerous risks such as driving extremely fast
  • Displaying extreme mood swings
  • Eating or sleeping more or less
  • Using drugs or alcohol more often

If you show any of these symptoms, seek help: contact your divorce attorney, medical professional, or a mental health professional. Or connect to any of the organizations listed in this article. You do not need to feel alone.

My Wife is Threatening Suicide

We cannot afford to overlook the possibility that your spouse, not you, struggles with separation and mental health problems. You may feel like your spouse is a bad person, but you cannot possibly wish an end to her, since you are a good person.

Be aware of all the warning signs your spouse may be contemplating suicide. If you see symptoms in your separated spouse, speak up. Contact your attorney, and opposing counsel. Contact family members, your spouse’s friends, and neighbors.

You will live a happier life enduring a few weeks or months of embarrassment for a wrong diagnosis, than if you had a suspicion and did nothing.

If for no other reason, consider the safety of your children. Ask your attorney to work for full custody if your spouse is showing signs of mental illness.

Fork in the Road

Everything you do involves risk. Just getting out of bed is risky. Staying married has risks, too. As a married Virginia man in a rocky marriage, you cannot continue on a path toward misery and a lifetime of unhappiness.

Separation and divorce make a lot of sense and can save you a lot of future heartache. You do, however, need to accept that taking the fork in the road toward separation and divorce is risky. What can you do?

Begin by hiring a highly experienced family law attorney. You likely will go through separation and divorce only once in your life, but your lawyer has seen it all. Your lawyer can work with you to:

  • Be an ally, a listener, and a problem-solver
  • Recognize signs of stress in your life
  • Minimize effects on your health and financial wellbeing
  • Suggest support systems
  • Reduce conflict in the months-long process
  • Head off issues from your spouse or opposing counsel

With a good lawyer to help, you are not alone.

Protective Factors

If separation and divorce are risk factors for suicidal thoughts, surely protective factors exist, too, right? Yes! The Suicide Prevention Interagency Advisory Group (SPIAG) lists many factors than can insulate you from risk, from societal to individual, some of which include:

  • Healthy economy
  • Locations with more restrictive firearm laws
  • Crisis support lines/hotlines
  • Effective, accessible mental healthcare
  • Presence and use of social support
  • Concerns that suicide is harmful to your children
  • Help-seeking behavior
  • Children present in your home
  • Religiosity/spirituality
  • Coping skills
  • Moral objections to suicide
  • Survival beliefs and a desire to live
  • Fear of suicide or death
  • Hopefulness
  • Resiliency
  • Extraversion

Look through the list. Where you see a lifeline, seize it. Where you see an opportunity to strengthen one of the factors, work at it. Separation is, at most, a 12-month temporary situation before you divorce. Divorce is but a step along your path toward a happy, abundant life.

What Your Family Law Attorney Can Do

Your lawyer is not a trained mental health professional. But like any caring Virginian, your family law attorney can help you if you speak up. The work of a family law attorney does not end at the final divorce decree.

You can always reach out and tell your lawyer you are having trouble coping with life in a postdivorce world. You are not alone!

The Firm For Men works hard every day to support Virginia’s men in their challenges. Family law, above all, means family. Let us be your strongest ally. Contact us today or call our office at (757) 383-9184. Remember, you do not have to face any legal struggle alone.