Our modern society depends on numbers. We look for reassurance in numbers (tidy bank balance?), in planning (what are the dates of my vacation?), and choosing our battles. Should a Virginia Dad try to win sole custody of his children? How often do fathers get sole custody in Virginia? What do the numbers tell us? What does experience tell us as custody lawyers for dads?

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Statistics on Fathers Winning Custody

Unfortunately, in a number-hungry nation we cannot always organize our data to provide instant feedback. The data you will see here comes from the latest published sources, but some of them are — in the era of the internet — a bit stale, often a year or more old.

Still, we can find trend lines and point you toward your best legal strategy in your child custody dispute. For example, in 2009, the U.S. Census Bureau reported only 2,435,000 custodial fathers against a total of 13,672,000 custodial parents. In that year, custodial Dads made up only 17.8 percent of the U.S. population of custodial parents.

How have things changed 10 years later? Here are those fresher numbers, again from the U.S. Census Bureau:

  • Total population of custodial parents in America, 2019 — 13,180,000
  • Number of custodial fathers in America, 2019 — 3,010,000
  • Percent of American custodial parents who are fathers, 2019 — 8 percent!

This is a ten-year trend line of an increase of five percentage points for fathers. That equates to roughly a half percentage increase every year, meaning by 2024 we can expect another 2.5 percent, or roughly a quarter of all custodial parents to be fathers.

That is a sign of hope that the “tender years doctrine” and other outdated, groundless opinions are slowly disappearing from our culture, not just from our laws.

Decreasing Marriage & Divorce Trends

That upward trend in seeing more fathers gain custody of their children is even brighter when you measure it against the other, downward trend of marriage and divorce rates. The Census Bureau tells us:

  • Both marriage and divorce rates in the United States declined from 2009 to 2019 but rates vary from state to state.
  • In 2019, there were 16.3 new marriages for every 1,000 women age 15 and over in the United States, down from 17.6 in 2009
  • At the same time, the U.S. divorce rate fell from 9.7 new divorces per 1,000 women age 15 and over in 2009 to 7.6 in 2019

The divorce rate (divorces per 1,000) fell 2.1 points while the marriage rate fell only 1.3 points in the same 10-year period. So, with fewer divorces, men are making gains toward winning custody battles.

Virginia Custody Statistics

National trends are one thing; what is Virginia doing to support paternal custody? We have exact numbers of Virginia divorces for years up to 2018, from the Virginia Department of Health:

  • 201524,727 divorces with 11,665 involving children
  • 2016 — 27,519 divorces granted, of which 11,773 included children
  • 201722,888 divorces, with 10,977 involving one or more children
  • 2018 — 21,177 divorces, of which 10,826 included at least one child

These year-to-year declines are not uniform, of course. Economics and other factors affect the number of divorces each year. Yet the overall trend is downward; in 2008, the numbers were 29,460 divorces (with 12,672 including children). This shows a 10-year drop of 8,283 divorces, or roughly 800 per year.

By looking at the steadily declining number of Virginia divorces and applying the national metric of Dads now gaining custody 22.8 percent of the time, we can extrapolate:

  • By applying 22.8 percent of all divorces (for paternal custody) to Virginia’s most recently available number of divorces involving children (10,826), we can conjecture that approximately 2,468 divorcing Virginia fathers can expect to win custody of their kids each year
  • If the downward trend in the total number of divorces continues, and the upward trend in Dads gaining custody also continues, thousands more Virginia fathers can anticipate winning sole custody each year

What Does Custody Mean, Exactly?

Because our Commonwealth’s laws have to anticipate all scenarios, some laws are deliberately vague and others are mind-numbingly detailed. What, exactly, does Virginia mean by “custody,” for example? Here are the definitions from the Code of Virginia:

Joint custody” means (i) joint legal custody where both parents retain joint responsibility for the care and control of the child and joint authority to make decisions concerning the child even though the child’s primary residence may be with only one parent, (ii) joint physical custody where both parents share physical and custodial care of the child, or (iii) any combination of joint legal and joint physical custody which the court deems to be in the best interest of the child.

Sole custody” means that one person retains responsibility for the care and control of a child and has primary authority to make decisions concerning the child.

That is confusing. We’ll break it up for you:

  1. Physical custody refers to the actual residency of the child; one or both parents provide safe shelter, adequate food, suitable clothing, and other aspects of daily living
  2. Legal custody refers to decision-making on the part of adults on behalf of minor children, such as medical, educational, and religious choices
  3. Physical custody can be joint or sole custody — Joint custody can be any arrangement of dividing the child’s time between the two parents using phrases like shared custody, bird’s nest, or split custody; sole custody means one parent has the child full-time except for scheduled visitation (parenting time)
  4. Legal custody can also be joint or sole custody — Joint legal custody is spelled out in the law as both parents retaining responsibility for making decisions (medical, educational, and religious choices); sole legal custody means only one parent makes decisions regarding the child

Fathers Seeking Sole Custody

Before reflexively leaping into a life-altering decision, discuss sole custody with your attorney. Do you really want sole legal custody, sole physical custody, or both?

Can you handle the care and responsibility of a child full time?

Can your job make allowances for departing early to take Junior to soccer practice, or pick up Sweet Sally from softball?

What if you are in the military; how practical is sole custody of a minor child when you do not control your duty assignments?

Remember, Virginia courts do not care one whit what you want. The courts operate in the best interests of the child, by law. You can try to be a superhero in court and advertise yourself as the World’s Greatest Dad, but the day-to-day slog of parenting is grueling. Can you do it by yourself?

We are not trying to dissuade you; we also operate in the best interest of Virginia’s children. We want what is best for your kids, even if that means talking candidly about your choice for sole or joint custody.

Virginia Law and Fathers Winning Custody

The Code of Virginia, Title 20, Chapter 6.1, Section 20-124.2, part B has the key phrase that unlocks paternal sole custody (our emphasis added):

“In determining custody, the court shall give primary consideration to the best interests of the child. … As between the parents, there shall be no presumption or inference of law in favor of either. The court shall give due regard to the primacy of the parent-child relationship but may upon a showing by clear and convincing evidence that the best interest of the child would be served thereby award custody or visitation to any other person with a legitimate interest. The court may award joint custody or sole custody.” 

A Circuit Court or Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court judge will be asked to sign off on predetermined custody arrangements or, in disputes, choose a parent to assume the bulk of physical and legal responsibilities. You have the gender-neutral law on your side

The statistical frequency of sole custody arrangements for Virginia Dads should not matter to you. You care only about your case and so does your attorney. In today’s improving legal picture for fathers, you stand excellent chances of gaining sole legal, sole physical, or sole legal and physical custody of your children.

You have to sell yourself to the judge as the better candidate. You have to demonstrate a strong history of parenting, a clean legal record, good financial sense, and a true dedication to making your kids’ lives the best they can be.

And then you have to let your attorney convey all that good news to the judge. So choose your lawyer wisely. The Firm for Men provides the men of Virginia with excellent legal representation based on years of experience serving men only. Our attorneys work for you while keeping the best interests of your children in mind. Our sole task is to protect and preserve your rights. Contact the Firm for Men’s Virginia Beach office today to schedule a consultation. You can also give us a call at (757) 383-9184.