Ruffling is how birds raise their feathers for cleaning. They transform from sleek flying machines into puffy pincushions so they can preen away dirt, dust, and mites. Ruffle also means to annoy or fluster. You definitely do not want to ruffle your wife — in any sense of the word — when seeking a divorce.
Minimize Ruffled Feathers
Perhaps you can avoid ruffling your wife if you never tell her you are divorcing her. Congratulations on thinking the same thing a bajillion men before you have thought. All met with the same less-than-soaring success. In Virginia, as in most states, you cannot divorce someone without letting them know of your legal action.
So what can you do to keep your wife cooing quietly when facing a divorce? No family law attorney can guarantee another person’s reactions, but you can take a few steps to minimize ruffled feathers.
Knowledge is Power with Virginia Law
Virginia divorce works for either party; she can divorce you, or you can divorce her. Or, better, you can divorce each other, amicably and with no ruffling anywhere.
Under Virginia law, the two aspects of divorce that lead to the calmest, quietest, fastest, sleekest, most perfectly preened divorce are:
- No-fault divorce
- Uncontested divorce
You cannot get away with keeping your wife in the dark, so give her the power of participating in the process. Knowledge is power. She can work with you to arrange terms she will go along with, reducing the time and money you both expend on the divorce. Treat her as an equal, not as an enemy.
No-fault divorce means neither of you accuses the other of some really nasty moral failings, criminality, or cruelty. It allows for a quick draft of a property settlement agreement, no damaged reputations, and minimal courtroom time.
An uncontested divorce means neither of you fights the other on terms of the divorce. This saves you attorney fees.
Uncontested Divorce
For civilian and military men alike, an uncontested divorce in Virginia is the least expensive, best way to move on from a troubled marriage.
Uncontested divorce costs less than a contested, drawn-out, bitter divorce. Lawyer conference times are shorter. Courtroom time is reduced. Even paperwork is lessened.
Uncontested divorce takes less time than a contested divorce. Both start the clock at separation, but after the six months of waiting (if you have no children) or the year, you can file for divorce and be done in weeks, not months or years.
Uncontested divorce for military men is the best way to protect your financial future while allowing you the greatest flexibility with your service responsibilities.
Contested Divorce
You and your attorney may have tried to quietly ask for the no-fault, uncontested divorce. You and your attorney may have failed.
Looking at a contested divorce, you may tighten a few of your body’s seven sphincters. That’s natural. Far from keeping your wife mostly in the dark about your Virginia divorce, a contested divorce opens the whole thing up to a parade of expert witnesses, testimony, damaging accusations, angry outbursts, accountants, tax attorneys …
Or not. The reasons she could be contesting the property settlement agreement could be entirely reasonable. She wants to change the parenting time schedule. She does not like the spousal support duration. She wants to shift from full to shared custody of your kids.
Hear her out. Pay for the time needed for your attorney to meet with her attorney. At worst, the contested divorce continues and takes more blood and treasure. At best, the contested divorce disappears, and an uncontested, no-fault divorce takes its place.
No matter what, if you are determined to divorce your wife in Virginia, you can.
Keep Your Divorce At a Whisper
While you cannot avoid notifying your wife of an impending divorce (for moral as well as legal reasons), you can keep the noise to a minimum. Consider a quiet plan long before you announce your next move.
Partner with a family law firm to help you calmly arrange all the preliminaries:
- End joint accounts
- Assess your financial position
- Draft a property settlement agreement
- Gather and secure financial records
- Safeguard separate personal property
- Schedule your separation
- Make decisions about custody, child support, and spousal support
Keep your voice at a whisper while doing all the groundwork for the separation and divorce. Controlling yourself can save you heartache, conflict, time, money, and sleepless nights.
From start to finish, communicate honestly while keeping your voice at a whisper. From planning a separation through to the final divorce decree, treat your wife as an adult, be honest without being mean, and keep the final flight to freedom in mind. That’s the best way to keep everyone’s feathers unruffled.
However you need to fight the fight — contested divorce, no-fault divorce, uncontested divorce — The Firm For Men can help you. Contact us online or telephone our office at (757) 383-9184 today. We are the strong voices you need in family law, even when we are whispering.
