You and your spouse are seeking a divorce. Your friends encourage you to take your spouse for all she’s worth: “Hire a lawyer with fangs and claws!” Your extended family just wants everything behind you: “Walk away! Just roll over!” But what does your lawyer say? Experienced family law attorneys will often suggest you and your departing spouse settle out of court. But what does settling a divorce out of court mean, and why would a lawyer recommend it?

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Settling With Satisfaction

The term “settle out of court” does not mean you give up. It’s not like settling for Salem Red Sox tickets when you wanted to see the Richmond Flying Squirrels. You are not settling for a long list of less than what you and your attorney want.

A settlement agreement is a collaborative effort created by four people:

  1. You
  2. Your attorney
  3. Your almost-ex
  4. Your almost-ex’s attorney

When the four of you draft a settlement agreement in a mutually respectful, supportive atmosphere, you work together to resolve every detail of the divorce without court interference.

You are not being railroaded into accepting something you find morally or financially awful. You may compromise a little, but your spouse will, too. In return for a modicum of compromise, you reap a wealth of benefits.

Why Settle Out of Court?

Because of widespread news stories, we Virginians associate “settling out of court” with one party’s refusal to accept responsibility in a conflict. You do see that in a criminal lawsuit; the defendant avoids a protracted trial by agreeing to a lesser charge, for example.

A divorce is a civil action, not a criminal matter, so neither side is “settling” to avoid legal responsibility. A divorce can be uncontested, meaning neither side is digging in to insist on only one outcome.

The fastest, simplest, least expensive Virginia divorce — an uncontested, no-fault divorce — can be settled out of court by drawing up a settlement agreement.

Both parties — you and your almost-ex — save time, money, and court appearances by agreeing to the terms of a settlement agreement, having your two attorneys file the necessary paperwork, and letting a Virginia Circuit Court approve all the details of your agreement.

What the Settlement Includes

A settlement agreement can go by other names: property settlement agreement; custody, support, and property agreement; marital settlement agreement; or separation and property settlement agreement.

Regardless of the title, and recognizing every divorce’s unique factors, a settlement agreement will touch on these important areas:

  1. Child custody
  2. Child support
  3. Spousal support
  4. Property division
  5. Parenting visitation schedules

It seems like a simple list; it is not. Within the child custody issue, for example, are several concepts to consider:

  • What model of physical custody will be applied — joint, shared, or sole?
  • How will legal custody be resolved — joint or sole legal custody?
  • Who besides the child’s parents will have rights to visit and care for the child?
  • Who besides the child’s parents will have the right to escort the child to medical appointments and sign for the child’s medical care?

Married couples probably do not notice the thousands of decisions slowly rising into their lives as they marry, build a home, then build a family. Every one of those decisions must be undone through the settlement agreement.

Just consider a few questions your two attorneys may present to you both, with the hope of ironing out differences so the settlement agreement can be duly recorded:

  • How long should the higher earning spouse pay spousal support, and for what purpose?
  • How will retirement benefits be shared?
  • Will the marital home be sold and the earnings split equitably, or will one spouse buy out the other?
  • Some sentimental possessions such as artwork and jewelry cannot be physically split (nobody wants half a painting), so how will these items be valued and divided?

Benefits of Settling Divorce Issues

Working out the settlement agreement in the privacy of attorneys’ offices is worthwhile, but why? Consider: sooner or later, you and your wannabe ex must face all the decisions. You can ask a judge to make them and swallow the judge’s final, legal answer. Or you can go through a give-and-take negotiation.

Suppose you have your heart set on keeping your fine tool collection. It means the world to you, because it includes your grandfather’s set of cabinetmaker’s planes. Your spouse does not give two hoots about the tools but absolutely adores the fine Noritake china.

If the value of the china is twice the value of the tools, an impartial judge could stick you with china you don’t want and give a few of your tools away to your ex.

In the hands of your two attorneys (your spouse’s and your own), you work out the fair division in which, despite the vastly different dollar values, you both agree to keep the things you love.

Other benefits of preparing a settlement agreement ready for a judge’s approval:

  • Avoiding a contested, messy divorce
  • Minimal time needed for the divorce to process
  • Lower costs compared to contested or fault-grounds divorces played out in court
  • Reduced stress for everyone (including the attorneys!)
  • Less resentment between the parting adults
  • Happier children — your kids do not see two warring parents; they see a smooth transition to new arrangements with no surprises
  • Clear communication — the terms are in writing, detailed, and uniquely written for your circumstances
  • Little if any reason after the divorce to revisit issues like child custody or spousal support

The Firm For Men is a Virginia man’s best ally in all family law matters. Contact us today or call our Virginia Beach office at (757) 383-9184. We can help you resolve your divorce through settlement out of court, saving you time and money.