Remember in 2020 when Homeland Security agents seized nearly 5,000 fake karaoke machines1 in Chesapeake? They were destined for online sales, and a helpful special agent warned readers, “Do your due diligence. Do your research, read reviews.” Those are also good tips for finding a great family law lawyer. But some aspects of family law are beyond your control.

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We Don’t Control the Opposing Party

In most Virginia family law matters, you had some control (some time ago) in choosing the person who might now be an opposing party: your spouse. When we say your opposing party is beyond your control, we really mean your spouse’s reactions to the proceedings are not yours to dictate.

We can only control ourselves. We may wish and hope to control others, but how your spouse reacts to your desire to separate and divorce is truly beyond your control. Indeed, your attempts to control your spouse’s reactions may add fuel to the fire of opposition.

Your spouse may go along with the proceedings, resigned to reality. Feeling wounded, your spouse could contest everything, adding time and money to an already stressful process.

Other family law issues may also present unexpected opposing parties:

  • Paternity suits made by someone you do not even know
  • Child custody battles involving your spouse’s relatives
  • Claims of domestic violence

Again, you can only control your own feelings and actions. Stay calm, deal with the situation in front of you instead of anticipating doom and gloom, and work closely with your experienced family law attorney. Your lawyer is your strongest ally, no matter the opposing party.

We Don’t Control Opposing Counsel

Your spouse may select an attorney you have never heard of or be represented by someone who puts ads on bus stop benches. Either way, you have no say in who is counsel to your spouse or other family member.

Let’s say your spouse’s parents file suit to win full physical custody of your children. They have deeper pockets than you and hire the improbably powerful firm of Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga & McCormack. You have shallower pockets but are smart enough to turn to a law firm exclusively practicing family law.

You cannot legally interfere with the relationship between your spouse and opposing counsel. You and your attorney can craft your defense, anticipate filings and motions, but cannot try to intervene in attorney-client exchanges.

We Don’t Control Virginia’s Judges

Unless you and your attorney aggressively pursue unethical “judge shopping,” you have no say or control over the Circuit Court judge presiding over your family law matter. If your issue is related to child custody, visitation, or support, your case may be heard by one of the Commonwealth’s Juvenile and Domestic Relations (JDR) District Courts. Every Virginia city and county has a Circuit Court and a JDR Court. Your case is heard based on jurisdiction (where you live) and is assigned more or less randomly to a judge by the presiding judge’s office.

While some Virginia judges attract attention for questionable behavior, most toil day in and day out to provide impartial, unemotional justice. With all credit due to our nation’s uniformed defenders of freedom, we should also acknowledge the largely unheralded work done every day in Virginia courtrooms. These Circuit Court and JDR judges uphold our state and federal Constitutions with admirable finesse.

But.

You really have no control over who hears your family law case. Choose a good attorney who has worked in the courtrooms of many judges and knows every judge’s temperament.

We Don’t Control Pace of Proceedings

The internet is littered with come-hither ads for quick Virginia divorces. Unfortunately, you as one of the parties have very little say in how long your family law matter will take. Sometimes things move forward like The RoadRunner speeding down a desert highway. Sometimes your legal issue is more like Wile E. Coyote hitting a tunnel painted on a cliffside.

The plain fact is you have no way to speed up court proceedings. You and your attorney can attempt to slow them down (and so can your spouse and opposing counsel). But neither of you can really light a fire under Virginia’s court system.

We Don’t Control The Law

Please avoid taking your frustrations out on your family law attorney. Beyond the four areas already mentioned, you and your attorney cannot change Virginia’s laws overnight. Asking your attorney to skirt legal conventions or actual laws is a bad idea. Asking your attorney to advance a patently false argument is also a no-no. Your attorney can be disbarred for filing frivolous motions and suits.

These are just five areas of family law beyond the control of either you or your legal counsel. Your attorney can probably identify a dozen more moments that make you both feel helpless.

But don’t be helpless. Of all the things you can control, choosing the best family law attorney is your top priority.

You can control your finances and your emotions. But by putting your case in the hands of an experienced family law attorney, you can rest assured your best interests will be protected.

Select your family law attorney for experience, compassion, and talent. Choose The Firm For Men to ensure complete protection of your rights as a Virginia man. Contact us today or telephone us at (757) 383-9184. We specialize in safeguarding men’s rights and future financial security.

1. https://apnews.com/article/norfolk-virginia-crime-fb98d220ecf3399057d3a0f8b25474db