It is impossible to get blood out of a stone. So said Vicesimus Knox, whose name sounds like a James Bond villain but who was in reality an English essayist. Knox wrote this proverb in 1788, though many a Virginia man facing child support payments knows it is still true. Exactly what do you have to provide? And what can you hope to avoid?

Jump to a Section

The Bare Minimum

The joke is that the first forty years of parenthood are the toughest. Getting your children from birth through their 18th birthday is a marathon that mixes in all the challenges of a good thriller:

  • Stress — What do you mean the pants we bought you in September are too short by November? Stop growing!
  • The clock runs out — You may not be cutting the blue wire or the red wire, but getting kids to appointments, play dates, parties, dress rehearsals, practices, and school would challenge Daniel Craig
  • Plot twists — The Sunday night school project; the suddenly sick kid; the first date showing up at the door

You love your kids and want to give them the world, but finances and reality limit your time, money, and energy. You are legally responsible for the care and protection of your child from cradle to age 18, unless the child emancipates at 16. At the age of adulthood in the United States, you could cut your kid off from food, shelter, paying for gas, and anything else you’ve been the bank for all these years. You could, but most parents do not; many even spring for college or trade school tuition.

But they don’t have to. 

Virginia, like all states, does set a bare minimum of expectation for tending to your offspring. And it’s pretty darned minimal.

Child Support in Virginia

Obligations for child support are found in Virginia Code § 20-108.2. Be warned: it is an extensive section of the law and not replete with the wit and humor you find here.

This section of Virginia’s statutes is tailored for divorce and annulment, but the law applies to all parents. Looking back to good ol’ Vicesimus Knox’s aphorism, the good legislators of the Commonwealth realize parents cannot spend more than they make. No one can squeeze blood from a stone.

Your children must be provided for, but the Code uses the word “basic” 34 times in describing just how you provide for them. No mention is made of buying that really awesome gaming system, the rad new drip, or that slick ride that is so extra.

A Child’s Basic Necessities

Virginia code cleverly repeats “basic necessities” three times in the law. Interestingly, it never spells out what those necessities are. Do not take our word for it. Here’s the law, word for word (with our added emphasis):

  • If the gross income of the obligor is equal to or less than 150 percent of the federal poverty level promulgated by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services from time to time, then the court, upon hearing evidence that there is no ability to pay the presumptive statutory minimum, may set an obligation below the presumptive statutory minimum provided doing so does not create or reduce a support obligation to an amount which seriously impairs the custodial parent’s ability to maintain minimal adequate housing and provide other basic necessities for the child.
  • Any adjustment to gross income under this subsection shall not create or reduce a support obligation to an amount which seriously impairs the custodial parent’s ability to maintain minimal adequate housing and provide other basic necessities for the child, as determined by the court.
  • Minimum standards. Any calculation under this subdivision shall not create or reduce a support obligation to an amount which seriously impairs the custodial parent’s ability to maintain minimal adequate housing and provide other basic necessities for the child.

The legislators expect a Virginia judge (in either Circuit Court of Juvenile & Domestic Relations Court) to determine what constitutes a necessity. Previous rulings demonstrate a modesty on the part of judges, with these aspects of daily living considered “necessities:”

  • Food — As a parent, you have a legal obligation to be mindful of your child’s nutrition requirements (calorically) and food allergies; no law compels you to honor their desire for brand name cereal or a vegan diet
  • Shelter — This includes a place to sleep, a shelter meeting building codes, with working electricity and plumbing, proper sanitation, access to water for hygiene, sanitation, and eating
  • Clothing — Appropriate to the weather or school and church requirements, not what is trending, costly, or even new
  • Medical care — Again, the most basic healthcare passes muster; vaccinations, pediatric visits, annual checkups, healthcare insurance payments, and examinations needed for school attendance
  • Education — Compulsory attendance is a state law; you have a choice of where your child goes to school, and you are not even legally required to provide any school supplies for your little darlings

When hashing out child support payments in court, you and your attorney have to primarily reckon with those five areas. Your attorney can push back against anything else, but those five necessities can be computed in the judge’s calculations.

What You Don’t Have to Provide to Your Child

The many, many flourishes of childhood have changed over the years. The era of child labor in Virginia was not so long ago, as evidenced by a 1911 pamphlet showing tiny Commonwealth kids laboring in coal mines and textile mills.

The concept of a carefree childhood is a very recent invention. Lynchburg, Virginia did not get a children’s playground until 1914, becoming only the second Virginia city to have one by then (congrats, Richmond!).

From modest benefits barely a century old, many parents of the 21st century indulge their children with extravagances that have no legal basis. You have no legal obligation to provide any of this:

  • Favorite foods — “We have water at home” can be your watchword when Sweet Sally asks for soda; you are legally welcome to drive right on by every fast food joint in town, too
  • Birthday parties, gift cards, greeting cards or birthday presents could be 100 percent absent from your home
  • Money — Nothing in Virginia Code orders you to give out allowance, pay for chores, or slip a C-note to your sophomore before the Big Dance
  • Celebrations — Your child graduated high school? Great. But you can get by with no gifts, no party, no money for photographs, senior yearbook, or graduation gown
  • Toys — Carefully handmade or mass-produced tot tools are not (legally) your problem
  • Holidays — Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Easter, Passover, and Independence Day can all pass without any legally required recognition in your household
  • Transportation — No tricycles, bikes, roller skates, hoverboards, ATVs, sweet rides, or boats necessary, as long as your get your kid to school
  • Special haircuts, hairdos, jewelry, watches, makeup, sunglasses, or nice kicks
  • Vacations — Nobody can make you take your tykes to state parks, Disney, the shore, or anywhere; you do not even have to provide a backyard pool
  • School extras — You can legally say no to fundraisers, after-school activities, sports equipment, band lessons, band uniforms, and musical instrument rentals, school supplies, bookbags, school uniforms, annual photographs, yearbooks, proms, and class trips
  • College or trade school — No law exists under which parents must pay the freight for Junior to go to UVA or the Acme School for Tin Bangers

Your Kids’ Wants vs. Needs

Parents and kids have a tough time distinguishing between wants and needs. For parents facing child support obligations, the appearance of being tightfisted can really hurt. But as a legal matter, you and your kids’ other parent have to know what is a need and what can be dismissed as a luxury.

We are not advocating for harsh parenting. Most parents want to give their children everything they themselves never had. You want to allow your kid to feel pride, have friends, and thrive in school. But from a purely legal standpoint, hand-me-down clothes, the public library, and the school bus are all acceptable.

Find Compassion at The Firm For Men

Ending a relationship — whether married with children or unmarried with children — is emotionally, physically, and financially draining. You may want to accede to the opposing party’s thirst for your last nickel. You just cannot afford to.

Your family law attorney knows the law but also has compassion for your circumstances.

If you interview prospective attorneys and get the sense you are being looked down on for having limited means, find a better lawyer. A good Virginia divorce or separation lawyer works within the financial limits of clients. Explain your position, show your documentation, and allow your attorney to argue the constraints of necessities versus luxuries.

Your kids’ other parent can want limousines and laptops for Little Lisa, but a court does not have to grant such indulgences. Expect to hear Vicesimus Knox’s immortal words more than once during your proceedings. Contact The Firm For Men to enjoy an initial consultation with a capable, compassionate attorney. We help Virginia’s men navigate the court system. Call us at (757) 383-9184 or contact our office today!