One lucky Virginian struck paydirt by winning $1.259 million at the MGM National Harbor casino recently. Hitting a Royal Flush brought a whole new life to that gambler. But what if your spouse does not just enjoy gambling, but is a gambling addict? Can a Virginia divorce help you to start fresh?

Jump to a Section

How Bad is the Gambling Problem?

Virginia welcomed gambling “for charities” in 1973, added lottery tickets in 1988, horse race wagering in 1989, and casinos in 2020, according to the Virginia Department of Behavioral Health & Developmental Services (DBHDS). That same organization pegs problem gamblers in the Commonwealth as 2 percent of the adult population.

The state saw a 778 percent climb in calls to the state’s gambling helpline, says the Royal Examiner. As described in a 2019 report from the Joint Legislative and Audit Review Commission, Virginia ranks near the bottom of all states in resources dedicated to dealing with gambling addiction.

The problem is not helped by Virginia’s inclination to refer to gambling as “gaming,” as if wagering is as harmless as playing Uno, or Twister.

No pile of statistics will matter to you and your family if your spouse is a gambling addict. Then the only numbers that count are your bank balance and the telephone number of a good divorce attorney.

What Are the Chances of Saving Your Marriage?

If you have a spouse with a gambling problem, you do not stand much of a chance of making the marriage thrive. According to one study, “The U.S. divorce rate of those who gamble regularly is 31%, compared to 21% of those who rarely or never gamble.”

Having a gambling addict for a spouse is not just hard on you. Another study says, “Disordered gambling in one individual is estimated to affect six others on average …” Those other six include you, of course, but also your children (if any), other family members, employers, and friends.

The odds are not in your favor if you hope to save or survive a marriage with an inveterate gambler. Many spouses try to make the marriage work, but the gambling addict is an unwilling partner. The addiction is stronger than your emotional bond.

Once you accept that you will not cure your spouse yourself, you have to protect those affected by the problem:

  • Yourself
  • Your kids (if your marriage produced any)
  • Your extended family members

Difficult as the decision may be, divorce may be a constructive, life-positive change to protect yourself and your family.

The Hidden Addiction & Going It Alone

Once you acknowledge that no amount of compassion and love will break your spouse’s gambling addiction, you can work to extricate yourself (and your kids, if you have any).

But you cannot rely on your partner.

A gambling addict is not a dependable partner. For example, your finances may already be in shambles, but your spouse may be concealing that from you.

Gambling addiction is often referred to as “the hidden addiction” because the gambler can mask the compulsive behavior far longer than alcoholics or drug addicts. The effects are just as ruinous.

You may already feel alienated in your marriage. Some of the gambling addict’s effects on a marriage, from a firm specializing in treating gambling addiction, include:

  • Spontaneous aggression, fighting, and general discord
  • Financial troubles
  • Erosion of trust
  • Neglect of spouse and children
  • Lying
  • Inability to plan, create a household budget, or schedule family events

While you may feel isolated in the marriage, you have an immediate and helpful resource when you reach out to a good family law attorney. A strong divorce lawyer can be your greatest ally in dealing with a gambling addicted spouse.

Signs Gambling is Getting Out of Hand

Signs to watch for if you suspect your spouse’s gambling is getting out of hand, according to Kindbridge Behavioral Health:

  • Your spouse lies to you to hide the extent of the gambling
  • Your spouse forgets or skips important occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, and graduations because of time and energy spent gambling
  • Your spouse cannot focus on your interests or needs
  • A problem gambler can be irritable and angry when not betting
  • The problem gambler may show aggression and violence against you
  • Your spouse may steal from you or the household finances to recover losses, fund wagers, or both
  • Your spouse could commit theft and fraud against others outside of your marriage

If you can pull yourself together to do it, make a list of concerns, unsettling events, or conflicts. Keep notes on when these occurred, and gather financial records that may show a connection between gambling episodes and the suspicious signs.

Finding A Good Lawyer

If your spouse is a gambling addict, you already know you face a formidable battle in removing yourself and your kids from the marriage. You need an excellent lawyer and you need to be completely honest with your family law attorney about the problems you face. Then rely on your attorney to craft a strategy designed to protect you:

  • Your attorney can work zealously to separate your addicted spouse’s gambling debts from marital debt
  • Your attorney can construct a strong property settlement agreement that provides a proper marital home for you and your children
  • An experienced attorney can ensure you protect your children — financially and psychologically — from the effects of your spouse’s gambling problem

Brace Yourself

You may already have taken steps to safeguard yourself and your children. After a few scrapes with bill collectors, you may already realize your spouse cannot be depended upon to pay bills on time.

Perhaps you set up a separate bank account so that you can save money for necessities and mortgage or rent payments.

As you plan for separation and divorce, you have to do even more:

  • Work to prevent marital waste, or having your spouse sell marital property without your consent
  • Ask your attorney to seek a court injunction to freeze all financial accounts — checking, savings, retirement, and investment funds
  • Build up a reserve of money to last about a year, the amount of time you may need to go from separation through final divorce decree

Settling On Separate Debt

One Virginia law can really help you from suffering huge financial losses from your spouse’s gambling addiction. During separation, your attorney will craft the property settlement agreement that is the road map to equitable division of assets and debts. Both assets and debts fall into three general areas:

Your lawyer will work vigorously to assign all gambling debts exclusively to your addicted spouse, marking them as separate debt. Under Virginia Code § 20-107.3 a judge may assign debts to both spouses or one alone:

to the extent that a party can show by a preponderance of the evidence that the debt, or a portion thereof, was incurred … for a nonmarital purpose, the court may designate the entire debt as separate

Compelling your gambling addicted spouse to take responsibility for gambling debt leaves your personal credit history intact, relieves you of unsecured debts, and may well preserve the marital home for you and your children.

The Hard Way

In craps, “the hard way” means rolling doubles. In divorce, the hard way is a contested divorce or a fault-grounds divorce. Your gambling addicted spouse may fight you through every part of the separation and divorce — a contested divorce — but may agree to a no-fault divorce.

A fault-grounds divorce may be your only remedy to keep the responsibility on your spouse. For the gambling addict, the most obvious of the fault grounds found in Virginia Code § 20-91 is cruelty:

  1. A divorce from the bond of matrimony may be decreed:

(6) Where either party has been guilty of cruelty, caused reasonable apprehension of bodily hurt, or willfully deserted or abandoned the other, such divorce may be decreed to the innocent party after a period of one year from the date of such act

Admittedly, a fault-grounds divorce based on your accusation of cruelty is even more brutal — to both of you — than a contested, no-fault divorce. Yet your family law attorney may recommend this path to freedom, since your gambling addicted spouse has to defend against a criminal complaint. It reduces the wiggle room to claim the addiction was harmless, reasonable, or not an addiction at all.

You need substantial evidence to advance this argument. Yet your spouse may have inadvertently already provided plenty of evidence:

  • Bankruptcies
  • Repossessions
  • Affidavits or testimony from mental health professionals
  • Police reports
  • Text exchanges
  • Arrest records
  • Emergency room visits and medical records
  • Public outbursts recorded by others
  • Financial documents, debt collection notices, and downgraded credit ratings

Remember that cruelty does not mean only physical aggression. Emotional, financial, and mental cruelty are all recognized in Virginia law.

Need help divorcing a gambling addict? The Firm For Men is here for you! Contact us today or call us at (757) 383-9184. The odds can be in your favor when you partner with our experienced family law attorneys.