The earliest examples of trepanning — drilling holes in the human skull to relieve medical and psychological symptoms — are from around 6,000 B.C.E. We don’t drill into people’s heads anymore as a solution to mental health problems. Yet plenty of Virginian men face mental health crises and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) that can affect family law matters.

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Mental Health and Your Family Law Case

A Virginia man already battling PTSD or diminished mental health may be asked to become some kind of superman: rising above the quagmire of the mental health crisis to somehow look back down on himself.

He may have to acknowledge the problem, then prove to a Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Court that he somehow has a handle on everything and deserves parenting time or child custody.

For the man suffering from exposure to a shocking, frightening, or life-threatening event, PTSD is the body and mind’s natural reaction. That reaction can be chronic (ongoing) or acute (immediate and brief), but it always interferes with daily life:

  • Relationships with family and friends
  • Problems at work
  • Difficulty completing simple tasks
  • Outsized reactions to small changes

Has There Been a Diagnosis of PTSD?

Diagnosis of PTSD is complex and never done hastily (despite popular media misconceptions). According to the National Institutes of Health, an adult must exhibit all of the following symptoms consistently for a duration of at least one month:

  1. Re-experiencing Symptoms: This involves the persistent and distressing recollection of the traumatic event, often manifesting as flashbacks, nightmares, or intrusive thoughts that cause significant emotional distress.
  2. Avoidance Symptoms: Individuals may actively avoid reminders or triggers associated with the traumatic event, such as places, people, activities, or conversations that evoke distressing memories.
  3. Arousal and Reactivity Symptoms: These symptoms reflect heightened arousal and emotional reactivity, including hypervigilance, irritability, angry outbursts, difficulty concentrating, insomnia, and exaggerated startle response.
  4. Cognition and Mood Symptoms: This category encompasses negative alterations in mood and cognition, such as persistent negative beliefs about oneself or the world, feelings of detachment or estrangement from others, persistent negative emotions (e.g., fear, horror, guilt, shame), and diminished interest or participation in previously enjoyed activities.

The presence of these symptoms over the course of at least one month is indicative of the severity and persistence of the condition, warranting further evaluation and potential intervention by mental health professionals. It is essential to recognize and address these symptoms promptly to mitigate their impact on the individual’s overall well-being and functioning.

PTSD is often seen in combat veterans (familiar faces in and around Hampton Roads) but can also crop up in law enforcement officers, fire fighters, victims of domestic violence, or industrial workers. No Virginia man is immune from suffering from PTSD, just as nobody is guaranteed to be free of a mental health challenge.

When is Mental Health Questioned?

Virginia’s Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Courts (casually known as JDR) do not handle divorces; they handle family issues relating to separation, children, and divorce.

Mental health or PTSD issues (your own, your spouse’s, your kids’ mother, or your kids’) can come up in these courts because of at least two family law matters:

No JDR court will ever assume the Virginians appearing in court are clean slates, free of blemishes and without a few bits of baggage. The only question in a JDR judge’s mind will be the degree to which any bugaboos hinder family relationships and affect the fitness of a parent.

My Kids’ Mother has PTSD

As the parent of a Virginia child, your first duty is to protect and defend that child. If the mother of your kids has a diagnosis of PTSD or mental health problems, the JDR court must be made aware of it.

We are not suggesting you unfairly tar your children’s mother with a stigma. We are reminding you that Virginia upholds “the best interests of the child” in all aspects of family law.

You can offer your attorney evidence of your concerns by keeping a rolling record of behaviors of your kids’ mother that:

  • Endanger a child
  • Cause the child serious emotional or mental distress
  • Make the child behave identically to the misbehaving parent or spouse (mirroring behavior)
  • Harm a child by exposure to irrational, violent, or inappropriate acts

Your goal is to protect your child. Keep that in mind along with the thought that the mother of your children has an illness that needs care and treatment just as a broken leg or cancerous organ would. Protecting your children does not reflexively mean punishing their mother.

PTSD and Child Custody

In a custody battle, the mother of your kids or your spouse has every right to bring up all matters relating to your ability to parent. Virginia zealously defends its weakest citizens — its children — against harm. Child custody decisions place children within homes under the care and protection of fit parents. No JDR judge is going to overlook any hints of PTSD or mental health problems.

If you are suffering, you need attacks from the kids’ mother like, well, a hole in the head. But two best things you can do, if you are the one suffering from these issues, are:

  1. Get a family law attorney to defend your rights and protect your healing psyche
  2. Be absolutely truthful with your spouse or children’s mother, her opposing counsel, your lawyer, and the JDR court about your problems and prognosis

You may feel questions about your mental health are an invasion of privacy. They are not. You are asking the Commonwealth to place your child under your care. That’s a big ask.

You and your attorney can fight for custody or visitation while being realistic about your struggles. Unfortunately for you, any experiences your child has had in which your behavior affected your child can be admitted as evidence of your unfitness as a parent.

By reflection, your child’s misbehavior (in school, among family members, with friends) can also impugn your parental rights.

The second requirement under Code of Virginia § 20-124.3 of a judge determining parenting time schedules and custody is:

  • The age and physical and mental condition of each parent [our emphasis]

You cannot escape a diagnosis and you cannot cry “foul” when your challenges are brought up in court. But your attorney can provide a fuller picture, indicating your progress from records held by your medical professionals, for example.

My Child Has PTSD

A chance to really shine as a parent and be that Super Man is when you appear in JDR court on behalf of a child in crisis. If your kid suffers from PTSD or a mental health matter, you are — you must be — your child’s staunchest defender.

We mentioned the JDR judge’s second requirement in establishing custody and parenting time. The first requirement under § 20-124.3 is:

  • The age and physical and mental condition of the child, giving due consideration to the child’s changing developmental needs [our emphasis]

JDR courts often see anguish and tears. Determining the best future for a child suffering from mental health problems is gut-wrenching. Add to that the stress of separation and divorce and you can easily see the source of sadness in the courtroom.

But keep in mind that you must be your child’s most zealous guardian. You have to do what is best for your child. That could mean you do not gain custody. It could mean you and the child’s mother have to find alternative settings for the child in crisis.

The compassionate, knowledgeable help your family law attorney can provide under all three circumstances (mental health problems for you, your children, or your spouse or the children’s mother) can help you preserve the brightest possible future for your family.

The Firm for Men, headquartered in Virginia Beach, stands ready to answer all your questions about family law. We specialize in working with Virginia’s men to preserve their rights, peace of mind, and financial security. Contact us today or telephone our offices at (757) 383-9184.