Lewis Carroll was an inventive writer who gave the world the concept of plunging down a rabbit hole, and in the 21st century this has come to mean following a path to extreme distraction. If you take a moment to plunge down the rabbit hole of “courtroom fights” on YouTube, you can find some mighty angry people there. To be fair, equal numbers of men and women seem to lose their cool in court, but what can you do to calm your wife (soon to be ex-wife) during divorce? How can you cool off the b- – -h (and, in fairness, your own tendency to be a b- – – – -d)?
Real-life fights are messy, unpleasant, and unscripted. Watching a woman you once loved suddenly lose her self-control is not pretty. Whether your wife is fighting in the courtroom or in the kitchen of the home you two still own, you can do a lot to defuse escalating situations.
Borrow from classic Chinese war strategist Sun Tzu, the very last of whose 36 strategies of ancient warfare is to run away.
Seriously, why clash with your wife in person when you are both paying pricey attorneys to fight out your differences legally and neatly? No good will come of sticking around to stick your neck out if your fishwife — er, wife — is getting ready to go medieval on you. Leave. Defuse. Run away.
Read the Instructions
We do not mean to suggest your wife came with an instruction manual (there’s a million-dollar idea, right there), but read about calming strategies ahead of time so, should events unfold, you have some basic knowledge of what to do.
For example, the resident mavens at Expert Beacon recommend a four-pronged peacekeeping approach:
- Never lose your own cool — Even when your “better half” has become a b- – -hier half, stay calm
- Watch your behavior — Around your attorney, around your wife, around your kids, keep everything together
- Keep communicating — Let your wife talk (or rant) herself out, but be there to listen so long as nobody is in danger
- Protect your children — If you two have kids, keep the kids foremost in your mind, and help them avoid the bad behavior as much as you can
Do Better. Be the Bigger Person. Take the High Road.
When your wife is (choose your term) flipping out, going batty, acting ape s- -t, getting her knickers in a twist, or whatever you want to call it, you will not be able to reason with her. Her primitive reptilian brain has kicked in, and logic, reason, rationality all exited stage right.
Experts at Relationship Coach recommend this de-escalation technique:
- Keep a clear head yourself — Get your own thinking straight
- Listen — Let her pressure valve blow the excess anger out, by letting her own the entire airspace and conversation until she is tuckered out
- Back off — Same as Sun Tzu, from thousands of years ago; step out, give her space, let her argue with blank walls
- Be agreeable — Be careful what you say, remembering that you do not want to poke the bear; we are not saying to assent if she claims you have been sleeping around, but avoid the conflict: “Well, that may be the way you see it”
Two people make an argument. One person makes a monologue. When you have left the building, return later to finish with all the rational, logical, reasonable conversation you want, and she will tolerate. She wants to be free of the same stress, worry and fears you do.
Check Yourself before You Wreck Yourself
And for those Virginia guys out there thinking they are so completely above the dramatics of courtroom hysteria, think again. Go down this little rabbit hole of a bailiff-busting brawl in a divorce court; it’s the guy whose switch flipped him from a seated citizen to a ballistic b- – – – -d.
Remember that you, too, can turn into an absolute b- – – – -d from the stress, anxiety, depression and financial worries of divorce. Take a tip from the fountain of wisdom that is Zach Galifianakis, and check yourself before you wreck yourself. Self-assess, say experts at Psychology Today:
- Let go of negative feelings
- Try to have fun where you find fun
- Breathe consciously
- Pamper yourself
- Eat better with a goal of nurturing your body
- Cry if you need to
If you find yourself misplacing aggression toward your kids, coworkers or newfound female friend, take a step back and realize you do not want to turn into the male version of the angry, frustrated b- – -h your wife has become.
Want Ultra Cool? Call the Family Lawyers for Men
Whether you walk away, whistle a happy tune or just go to your happy place, please call us at The Firm For Men, 757-383-9184, or contact us online to let us help you with your divorce. We represent only men, so we know the stresses and strains divorce can bring. We have heard all the stories, seen all the fights. We can help. Now, if you will excuse us, YouTube is promising a great video of cute animals. Yeah, that’s our speed. Adorable baby animals. Wanna make something of it?