Television star Ashton Kutcher ended his marriage with film star Demi Moore in November 2013. Just three months later, he announced his engagement to Mila Kunis. Was this quick work, or was there potential overlap? Kutcher filed for divorce on December 21, 2012, giving him 11 months to navigate his new reality. Whether it was wise for him to pursue new relationships during his divorce proceedings depends on several key factors—many of which apply to others facing similar circumstances.

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The Legal Reality: Virginia’s Stance on Dating Before Divorce

In Virginia, a spouse is considered legally married until a final divorce decree is issued. Unlike some states that recognize legal separation, Virginia does not formally acknowledge separation in any way that permits dating other people without potential legal consequences. According to Virginia Code § 20-91, adultery remains a fault-based ground for divorce. Engaging in a romantic or sexual relationship before the divorce is finalized could be used against you in court, impacting everything from spousal support to property division.

The Opinions: Everyone Has One

Any number of online “experts” may offer conflicting advice, often without knowing the specifics of your case:

  • “You’re lonely—go for it!”
  • “It’ll confuse your kids.”
  • “You could meet the perfect partner!”
  • “You’re on the rebound and an emotional wreck—wait a bit.”

Ultimately, only you can determine whether dating before your divorce is final is a wise move. However, it is crucial to consider every angle—from your children to your legal standing.

The Children: Minimizing Confusion & Complications

For young children, a parent’s dating life during divorce can be bewildering. Seeing their father with someone new while he is still legally married to their mother can create emotional stress and confusion. If you and your soon-to-be ex are still cohabiting due to financial constraints or legal processes, bringing a new partner into the home can complicate an already stressful environment. Courts in Virginia prioritize the best interests of the child (Va. Code § 20-124.3), and any disruption to their stability could influence custody determinations.

The Courtroom: A Judge’s Perspective

From the moment you file for divorce until the judge signs the final decree, keep in mind the golden rule of divorce proceedings:

Do nothing you would be embarrassed to explain in open court.

Your soon-to-be ex-spouse might be monitoring your actions, and anything from social media posts to hearsay from your children or mutual friends could be used against you in court. Virginia judges do not take kindly to behavior that suggests a lack of judgment, particularly when it involves adultery (Va. Code § 20-91), which can impact alimony and property settlements.

The Financial Stakes: Sharing More Than Just Turf

Until you and your spouse are living separately with clearly divided finances, dating can pose financial risks. If your spouse can argue that your relationship contributed to the breakdown of the marriage, it could influence equitable distribution of assets under Va. Code § 20-107.3. Even if the relationship began after separation, perception matters, and your spouse may leverage it in court.

The Adultery Factor: Why It Matters

Virginia law is strict regarding adultery, which remains a fault ground for divorce. Even if you and your spouse consider the marriage over, the law does not recognize separation as a distinct legal status. Any romantic or sexual relationship before the divorce is finalized could be legally classified as adultery under Va. Code § 20-91. This can have serious consequences, particularly regarding spousal support, which may be denied to an adulterous spouse under Va. Code § 20-107.1.

The Social Impact: Changing Circles

Divorce reshapes social dynamics. Mutual friends may feel the strain, and dating within these circles can intensify conflicts. Expanding into new social groups can be beneficial, but maintaining strict boundaries is advisable. Entering a new relationship too quickly can cloud your judgment and hinder personal growth post-divorce.

The Honesty Policy: Full Disclosure in New Relationships

Life moves forward, and you will likely meet new people. However, honesty is crucial. If a new relationship seems promising, be upfront about your marital status. Many potential partners may hesitate to become involved with someone navigating a complex divorce, particularly if children or ongoing legal battles are involved.

Seeking Support: Finding Guidance from Peers

Virginia offers numerous divorce support groups that can provide emotional and practical guidance. Engaging with individuals facing similar challenges can help you process emotions, manage stress, and make more informed decisions.

The Financial Reality: Can You Afford to Date?

Divorce is expensive, and so is dating. Legal fees, asset division, and potential alimony or child support obligations can stretch finances thin. Before diving into a new relationship, consider whether the costs of dating—dinners, vacations, gifts, and other expenditures—fit within your new financial reality.

One of the most valuable resources during a divorce is your attorney. Legal guidance can help you navigate the complexities of dating before divorce, ensuring you don’t unintentionally harm your case. At The Firm For Men, our experienced divorce attorneys can provide the insights you need to make the best decisions for your future. Contact us today to discuss your options and protect your interests as you move forward.

Dating before your divorce is final is legally risky in Virginia. While moving on emotionally is important, doing so too soon can have unintended consequences. Weigh the potential impacts on your children, finances, social life, and legal standing before making any decisions. If you have questions about your specific situation, consult with an experienced Virginia divorce attorney to ensure you are making the best possible choices for your future.