Financial abuse is one of the most overlooked forms of domestic violence — especially among men. Many husbands do not realize they are being victimized until their finances, autonomy, and confidence have been stripped away piece by piece. In Virginia divorces, economic abuse shows up frequently, often intertwined with emotional manipulation and coercive control. Understanding how financial abuse works is the first step toward reclaiming your independence and protecting your future.

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What is Financial Abuse?

The U.S. Department of Justice identifies domestic violence as encompassing physical, sexual, emotional, economic, psychological, or technological actions or threats. Financial abuse is far more common than most men realize. Although it may not leave physical scars, it is designed to intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, and control a spouse into submission — and it frequently becomes a major issue during separation and divorce in Virginia.

The National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) defines financial abuse as a tactic used by abusers to gain power by concealing information, limiting access to assets, or restricting control over family finances. Financial abuse often accompanies emotional or physical abuse, forming part of a larger pattern of control.

Financial abuse has nothing to do with physical strength. Even if your spouse seems physically vulnerable, economic manipulation can be incredibly powerful. According to the University of Maryland reports, 98–99% of intimate partner violence victims experience financial abuse.

Additional alarming statistics include:

  • 79% experienced economic control
  • 79% experienced exploitative financial behavior
  • 78% experienced employment sabotage

Financial abusers will exploit any perceived weakness. For example, if a victim struggles with dyslexia, the abuser may “help” by managing all financial documents. If the victim experiences work stress, the abuser may push them to take a lower-paying job — making them more financially dependent.

Subtle Financial Abuse

Financial abuse rarely begins as overt control. Early tactics often appear caring, protective, or “helpful,” such as:

  • “I care about you — that’s why I’m holding onto your money.”
  • “You have too much on your mind; let me handle the finances.”
  • “Let’s both take a weekly allowance to help with savings.”
  • “Maybe you shouldn’t work so you don’t get stressed.”

Manipulation may also include structuring accounts so the abuser has full control, such as opening joint credit cards where the abuser is the primary cardholder. This allows them to hide spending, debt, and late payments.

When questioned, an abuser often responds with guilt trips or accusations:

  • “You don’t trust me?”
  • “I do everything for us!”
  • “Are you calling me a thief?”
  • “You waste money on food and medicine for the kids!”

Your first step to regaining control is asserting yourself — but do NOT confront the abuser alone.

Begin by:

  • Speaking to a financial professional
  • Quietly gathering documentation and creating a financial record
  • Consulting a family law attorney familiar with economic abuse

Not-So-Subtle Financial Abuse

Financial abuse escalates as the abuser gains more control. According to According to NNEDV, overt forms of financial abuse include:

  • Forbidding you to work or sabotaging career opportunities
  • Controlling all spending and household budgeting
  • Forcing you to commit financial crimes (bad checks, fraudulent tax filings)
  • Refusing to work while draining family accounts
  • Racking up debt on joint credit cards
  • Withholding money needed for basic necessities
  • Hiding assets or stealing your identity
  • Ruining your credit by not paying joint bills
  • Dragging out divorce by refusing to disclose finances

If you feel unsafe or controlled, trust your instincts. Financial abuse harms your emotional stability, your credit, your long-term financial future, and your children’s wellbeing.

How Do I Stop Being Financially Abused?

Your path to financial independence depends on how much power your spouse has taken. Some men need to rebuild minimal financial access; others must restore their entire financial identity.

According to VeryWellMind, essential first steps include:

  • Protect your information — Change all PINs, passwords, and access credentials.
  • Check your credit report — Visit annualcreditreport.com to review all three bureaus for suspicious accounts.
  • Prepare quietly — Open new accounts your spouse cannot access; discreetly save money.
  • Find trusted support — Family and friends may help with temporary housing or financial assistance.

Additional steps to restore control:

  • Open and read your own mail
  • Secure your smartphone and devices
  • Change all account passwords
  • Refuse to co-sign or sign blank checks

Every small step shifts the power dynamic back toward you.

Afraid of What You’ll Find?

When confronting financial abuse, many people freeze — or fall into what psychologists call the “fawn response”: over-cooperating to avoid conflict.

Abusers often select partners who display traits they can exploit. Breaking the cycle requires courage and awareness. Community Action Stops Abuse (CASA) recommends:

  • Take full financial inventory
  • Clear internet browsing history when researching help
  • Store documents safely away from home
  • Calculate the cost of living independently

To build a legal case, you must provide your attorney with evidence. That includes:

  • Bank statements, tax returns, bills, and investment records
  • Documentation of abusive incidents
  • Emails, texts, or receipts showing control or manipulation
  • Witness testimony from friends, neighbors, or relatives

In complex cases, your attorney may use a forensic accountant to trace hidden assets or uncover fraudulent activity.

What Your Attorney Can Do

A skilled Virginia family law attorney can help you regain financial control and protect your future by:

  • Presenting evidence of financial abuse during separation or divorce
  • Arguing that marital debts accumulated by the abuser should be their sole responsibility
  • Securing your share of marital assets, including retirement and investment accounts
  • Protecting your access to the marital home when appropriate
  • Filing protective orders or criminal charges in severe cases

The Firm For Men has a long history of protecting clients facing domestic and financial abuse. We take every case seriously and fight relentlessly for men’s rights, financial stability, and personal safety.

Contact our Virginia Beach office at (757) 383-9184 or reach out online for confidential guidance — and remember to clear your browser history if you feel unsafe.