Some fights you can fight for yourself: a disagreement at the grocery store over a coupon.

Some fights you fight for your children: the coach who refuses to put your daughter in the game.

One fight you have to fight for your children—but not by yourself—is the fight for equal parenting. Here you need a good child custody lawyer in your corner. You can do plenty to help yourself, of course, but you and your lawyer together are better than you going it alone.

What the Brangelina Divorce Can Teach Us About Shared Parenting

The recent breakup of the Brad Pitt-Angelina Jolie marriage brings into stark relief the scope of the equal parenting problem. Time magazine recently used the Jolie-Pitt divorce as a springboard to highlight the idea of shared parenting. In Virginia, both parents have equal consideration as “worthy” to get sole physical custody; both parents have equal footing for legal custody; Dads cannot be assumed as less able to care for the kids.

Jolie and her attorney make the case that Pitt is an unhealthy influence on their children, but shared physical custody is, for most divorcing parents and their children, far healthier.

Time cites psychology professor Michael Lamb, who says children are happier and healthier when they forge and deepen relationships with both parents, something that means they have to live for long periods of time with each parent.

The Evidence for Equal Parenting

Dads bring special skills to their children’s lives, independent of societal roles. Dads will encourage and join in physical play; Moms will apply reason and social skills. Together, under joint custody with equal parenting, the divorced parents can help prevent childhood depression.

Studies and data can support your claim that your kids will be healthier when you play more than a weekend role in their lives. A 2011 metastudy (a study of joint custody studies) out of Wake Forest University found four key results:

  1. Most of these children fare as well or better than those in Mom’s care, especially in terms of the quality and endurance of their relationships with their fathers.
  2. Parents do not have to be without conflict, wealthy, well educated, exceptionally cooperative, or mutually enthusiastic about equal parenting, for the children to benefit.
  3. Young adults from equal parenting households say this arrangement was in their best interest, in contrast to those who lived exclusively with their mothers after divorce.
  4. Our country is undergoing a shift in custody laws, public opinion, and parents’ decisions toward more shared residential parenting.

The Best Interests of the Children: It’s NOT About the Money

With Angelina Jolie’s financial resources, nobody is worrying for the well-being of her children. With Brad Pitt’s financial resources, nobody is fearing he will flag in his support for those kids, either. Research finds, though, that economics does not play a huge role in how effective a dad can be after a divorce. While a Virginia judge can attempt putting a price tag on the “best interests of the children,” a dad can push back and point out that time together is priceless. More time together, not less, is healthier and more realistic for the children.

You Don’t Want To Be a Disneyland Dad

Equal parenting time prevents the formation of the “Uncle Dad” syndrome, also referred to as “Disneyland Dad.” When you cede sole custody to your ex-wife, you are relegated to weekends, some summer weeks, and extended time here and there.

Do not take the bait to set yourself up as a benevolent rule-bender without authority over your own children. You yearn to be loved by them, so ignore basic family structures:

  • You let them eat in their bedrooms
  • You let them command the television, cell phones, or internet
  • You let them set their own bedtimes
  • You let homework slide

You are not being a dad; you are being a kindly, impotent uncle to your own kids. Equal parenting, you and your lawyer can argue to your Virginia judge, avoids putting either parent in the unpleasant roles of disciplinarian or ineffectual relative.

Want Equal Parenting? Be Like Rocky

To fight for your right to equal parenting, you have to be like Rocky Balboa. No, you do not have to eat a dozen raw eggs. You have to want it. You have to be willing to step into the ring and present sound legal arguments for why you should be a major part of your children’s lives, even if you cannot be part of their mother’s life. For that, you need a good lawyer.

Work with the custody and visitation attorneys at The Firm for Men, located in Virginia Beach, where together you and your attorney can draw up a list of studies, evidence and sound reasons why you are entitled to equal parenting and joint custody of your children. Call our offices at 757-383-9184 and let us help you win this fight for equal parenting. Prove your abilities to the Virginia judge be a champion in your children’s eyes.

child custody and visitation lawyer