Virginia suffered 2,463 drug overdose deaths in 2023, according to the Virginia Department of Health. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) says from 2014 to 2017, an average of 5.6 percent of Virginia adults struggled with alcohol addiction. But to a Virginian struggling with substance use disorder (SUD), rehabilitation  — rehab — can feel like a greater stain, a greater burden, than the problem itself. And rehab can play a role in separation and divorce.

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Virginia’s Addiction Crisis: A Sobering Reality

Data from 2021 gives you a sense of the addiction crisis in the Commonwealth:

  • Nearly 150,000 people in Virginia had an opioid use disorder in 2021
  • At least six Virginians die of an opioid drug overdose every day, on average
  • Overall cost of the opioid epidemic in 2021 was more than $5 billion

Alcohol and opioids (recreational drugs and misused prescription drugs) are scourges to the state, no doubt. Pyramid Healthcare estimates only about 10 percent of addicts attend treatment.

Why Seeking Rehab Still Carries Unfair Stigma

Given the life-or-death reality of any kind of SUD, you would think our society welcomed and encouraged addicts to go to rehab. Sadly, our scientific and medical knowledge is far outpaced by biases, misconceptions, and myths, as outlined by the Addiction Center:

“… stigmatizing beliefs can cause people to blame the individual and to perceive their addiction as being a result of personal weakness.”

Blaming the individual can lead to the following:

  • Increased shame And guilt
  • Reluctance to seek help
  • Social isolation
  • Fear of association

Substance Abuse and the Legal System: A Double Standard

These biases and misconceptions seep into the legal system, too. As a nation, our country seems more intent on punishing substance-abusing citizens than in treating them:

  • Only about 8 percent of the general population has a substance abuse disorder
  • Substance abuse disorder affects 41 percent of arrested individuals
  • Substance abuse disorder touches 32 percent — four times the general population — of federal inmates and 49 percent of state prisoners

Treatment programs in jails and prisons are scattershot. The Virginia Department of Corrections offers inmates around 125 programs, but only a handful are related to opioids, alcohol, and drug addiction.

The Truth About Relapse and Recovery in Rehab

Though people with substance abuse disorders relapse at roughly the same rate as others with chronic diseases, the general population dismisses rehab as repeated failure. American Addiction Centers estimates around 40 percent to 60 percent of individuals relapse in recovery.

Your average Virginian who hears someone is “in rehab,” “went to Club Betty,” or was “at computer camp” likely assumes that person has a criminal past, faced incarceration, and still has an ongoing addiction problem.

How Rehab Is Perceived During Separation and Divorce

Your bravery in entering rehab under any conditions (voluntarily or involuntarily, through private insurance or through a state prison) may help you physically and mentally heal. That same bravery is needed when dealing with separation, divorce, and child custody.

The addiction itself could be one of the causes of a separation and divorce. Your willingness to enter treatment can be an ameliorating factor, but usually Virginia marriages end from several causes.

Rehab stints seldom have much effect on childless married couples. What could your divorcing spouse use against you? You went to rehab, you divorced, and you two agreed on spousal support and the details of property settlement. Rehab means almost nothing in that situation.

Rehab and Child Custody: What Virginia Courts Really Consider

It is child custody and child support that is most shaded by rehab. Virginia’s Circuit Court judges, in determining child custody and support, will always put the needs of the entire family above the needs of a single adult, as nice a guy as you might be.

Children outrank everything and everyone in the eyes of Virginia’s court system. Your feelings about your disorder, your wounded pride and public embarrassment, and your dedication to rehab will count for almost nothing compared to the “best interests of the child.”

How Rehab Can Support Your Custody Case, Not Hurt It

This does not mean a judge will automatically use your rehab time against you in deciding child custody, child support, and parenting time schedules.

If your divorcing spouse lays out a history of substance abuse, police arrests, and irresponsible behavior, all those will count against you in the light of § 20-124.3:

In determining best interests of a child for purposes of determining custody or visitation arrangements, … the court shall consider the following:

… 2. The age and physical and mental condition of each parent;

3. The relationship existing between each parent and each child, giving due consideration to the positive involvement with the child’s life, the ability to accurately assess and meet the emotional, intellectual, and physical needs of the child;

… 5. The role that each parent has played and will play in the future, in the upbringing and care of the child;

7. The relative willingness and demonstrated ability of each parent to maintain a close and continuing relationship with the child, and the ability of each parent to cooperate in and resolve disputes regarding matters affecting the child …

You and your attorney can use your rehab as refutation of those damaging accusations. You can use your stint in rehab to show how hard you have worked (and are working) to rebuild yourself for the betterment of your child.

Your Journey to Recovery Can Also Be a Legal Strength

The question to ask yourself is not if your rehab stint will be used against you. It likely will as your divorcing spouse seeks any advantage, even in an uncontested divorce. The question becomes how you and your attorney will prepare to use your time in rehab as a positive part of your story.

Be completely honest with your attorney, explaining the circumstances leading to rehab, the time under treatment, the results of the process, and the ongoing recovery you are sticking with. The more information your attorney has about your ups and downs, your plusses and minuses, the more prepared your lawyer will be for whatever comes your way.

The worst thing you can do during separation and divorce? Withhold information from the only ally you have, your attorney.

With your complete biography in hand, your lawyer can shed favorable light on your rehab stint. Your attorney will demonstrate to the court your dedication to self-improvement, the possible biases the court and all Virginians have against rehab clients, and the progress you have made on improving your life.

The Role of Your Attorney in Protecting Your Rights After Rehab

Your life may be at a crossroads. You may be deciding, right now, if you should seek separation and divorce from a spouse who doesn’t understand you or who has no sympathy for your SUD.

Or you may be contemplating signing yourself into rehab. If you have children, your first obligation must be to them.

But advancing your own needs can help the kids, too. Nothing about separation and divorce should stop you from seeking relief from drug or alcohol abuse. Go to rehab. Go to meetings. Seize the day and seize the opportunity to reinvent yourself.

If you have no kids, you still have your own wonderful life to support and defend. Go to rehab not for the good of your spouse, your boss, or your neighbors. Go for the good of your own soul and body.

And if separation and divorce comes after rehab, if your spouse tries to weaponize your strides toward a healthier you, remember you have an ally: your family law attorney.

The Firm For Men has helped Virginia men living through all kinds of circumstances. We know what struggle looks and feels like. We know how to fight and defend and safeguard our clients and their kids. Contact us today or call us at (757) 383-9184.