Whether you are a divorced father, married Papa, or a single Dad, you know frustration. You know bewilderment, desperation, perhaps even a tinge of anger now and then. It comes with the job. How you express it is your choice. Many people turn to their local gym to sweat out their feelings. Some crawl into beds or bottles, but many use social media to vent.
In America we can wallow and whine on Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, Snapchat, but many tech-savvy Dads like Twitter. A lot. We have gathered together some of the best Tweets about fatherhood and the lives of single Dads.
Famous Dads’ Tweets
Twitter has its share of publicity hounds. Many comedians and celebrities use Twitter to keep their fans updated, even when faced with common Dad issues. Jim Gaffigan is a comedian who shot to stardom based on the questionable virtues of Hot Pockets, but his own kids provide plenty of fodder for his act:
Jack (9yrs): Dad, am I your favorite child?
Me: Who are you?
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 26, 2015
That’s cold, we know, but others are just as real:
We are expecting our 4th child in June or as I refer to it bankruptcy.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) May 19, 2011
Instructions on being a child of mine. 1) Wake up 2) Start yelling for no reason at all
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) February 11, 2016
Ryan Reynolds (Deadpool, Deadpool 2, and some truly awful movies, too) keeps it real, too:
Went to Disneyland because my daughter’s obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) January 30, 2017
And who knew Conan O’Brien was such a devout Dad?
My two favorite things about Easter morning are (1) hiding the eggs and (2) the looks on my kids’ faces when the snakes start to hatch.
— Conan O’Brien (@ConanOBrien) April 16, 2017
Not-So Famous Dads’ Tweets
James Breakwell is a comedy writer, and he remembers that brevity is the soul of wit, so Twitter is a great platform for him to bust on his four daughters (yup; four girls), under the account @XplodingUnicorn:
My 8-year-old had a five-minute argument with her hair while getting ready this morning.
I’m not worried that she talks to it.
I’m worried that she lost.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 23, 2018
6-year-old: *sees hockey sticks* Can we get those?
Me: You don’t even know what they’re for.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 18, 2018
5-year-old: Guess what I learned at school.
5: Everything. I don’t have to go back.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 15, 2018
3: Which pedal makes the car go?
Me: *hides my keys on a higher shelf*
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 25, 2018
We gave equal time to all four of Breakwell’s kids, but we could not resist the five-year-old’s last little dig:
Me: Everybody says you look like me.
5-year-old: No. I look good.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 12, 2018
Encore! How about this one, from the three-year-old:
My 3-year-old walked up to me and said, “I know you’re my dad.”
It would have been cute if there wasn’t so much disappointment in her voice.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) November 28, 2017
Other Dads share their own infinite wisdom on Twitter, too. Here’s mark@TheCatWhisprer:
My new favorite tv show is any show that holds my toddler’s attention long enough for me to poop.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) November 17, 2017
Andy Warhol wanted everyone to be famous for 15 minutes, so here is Eric Shadow’s Big Break. He’s all over Twitter with some pretty funny stuff, like these:
My youngest is being tested for the gifted program at his elementary school and my other son thinks his toothbrush is haunted.
— eric (@ericsshadow) March 25, 2016
ME: [sitting in kitchen writing out bills]
SON: I lost a tooth. I’m gonna leave it under my pillow tonight.
ME: I’d wait until next week.
— eric (@ericsshadow) May 20, 2015
The school nurse called to ask me to pick my son up early because he vomited at lunch but I told her to keep him and send him home on the bus because I just got my car detailed.
— eric (@ericsshadow) April 26, 2018
Eric Shadow is not afraid to talk frankly about marital intimacy for fathers:
WIFE: oh yeah baby, keep doing it just like that
ME: *picking kids’ coats up off the floor and hanging them in the closet*
— eric (@ericsshadow) March 23, 2018
And for recently divorced Dads struggling to explain things to their kids, Eric has you covered:
My son asked why some mommies and daddies live in different houses, so I sat him down and told him the truth… their kids complained about slow WiFi and never went to bed on time.
— eric (@ericsshadow) April 11, 2018
Vent all you want about being a single or divorced dad, but at some moment take a breath and call 757-383-9184 to speak to an attorney at The Firm For Men. You can also contact us online, and we are always happy to discuss any aspect of family law, from child support to child custody to issues of paternity. We serve the men of Virginia, and are ready to serve you.